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If I Ran the Zoom

by Rev. Rod Richards
(with apologies to You-Know-Wheuss)

There’s no doubt about it,
this Zoom thing is booming
and folks of all ages
now find themselves zooming.

Folks at all levels
of tech expertise
are now choosing virtual
backgrounds with ease.

In wonderful ways
it draws us all together.
No need for commuting
or worry ‘bout weather

And once we login,
we settle in our square.
And though we are here
we can also be there.

It’s awesome! It’s magic!
with just a few glitches
inspiring head-scratches
(and not ‘cause it itches.)

There’s just a few snags
with this virtual room
that cause me to wonder,
“If I ran the Zoom…”

If I ran the Zoom,
there would be a few changes:
suggested improvements,
some real re-arranges.

Put noisy non-muters
in one breakout room
where no one could unmute
if I ran the Zoom

And people who wander
with video on,
who show us their ceilings
and pieces of lawn

would be made to sit there
and see what we do…
And then we’d forgive them
‘cause we’ve done it, too.

For most of the glitches
aren’t people-related
They’re in Zoom itself
even if we’ve upgraded.

Sometimes the upgrade
sets settings awry.
What? Where? And just how?
Our is not to ask why.

We go to our app
or the web site or which?
Ours not to ask why,
but we do get to bitch.

What else can we do
when the meeting is going
and bombers break in
and some porn is now showing.

When we’re rid of that
(and still feeling unclean)
we now cannot even
share our freakin’ screen.

Or we can share our screen
but the sound is not on,
so we “stop share,” start over,
while folks start to yawn.

But we do, we keep trying
for the folks in our room.
It would just go much smoother
if I ran the Zoom

We would not mess with settings.
We would just need to think it.
If we mentioned a resource,
Zoom would expertly link it.

We would not count on wi-fi
to keep us online,
for the web of existence
would connect us just fine.

We could see every person
with no need to scroll.
Every person would count
in the new, improved poll.

I would somehow be able
to always convey
just how grateful I am
we can join in this way.

Folks could come and could go
and there’d always be room
and someone to talk to
if I ran the Zoom.

With its snags and it quirks
and its “virtual spaces,”
I do have to say
Zoom just offers more places

where people are people
(and do what people do).
But people are people
and that is good, too.

Though we can’t be together,
we can join in one room.
What more could I ask for
if I ran the Zoom?

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